Building a support network

by Robert Poole

I want to start this blog off by wishing my brother and co-founder Ryan a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don’t think that any blog could be more appropriate for such a day. Ryan has been such a big part of my support network: whether we have been playing on the same or opposing teams. We might not always agree with each other, but having each others backs is a big part of what your support network will do, and for me recently he has been there a lot for me. I hope that you have an awesome day bro!

What exactly is a support network then?

Athletes often lead very isolated solitary lives, something that isn’t always apparent to those around them, be they family members, friends or others in the community. It can be very difficult for an athlete to admit that they are struggling with this isolation feeling. They want to inspire other members of the community to be their best but question how they can achieve this if they aren’t at their best?

So who can athletes turn to?

Talking about my feelings has never been easy for me as I am a very introverted person when it comes to my own thoughts. I have no issue discussing general topics but where I struggle is trying to portray my own personal feelings or explaining how things affect me, for  fear of being judged. In situations like this we all need a dependable support network.

What constitutes a support network ?

A support network may consist of anything from just a single person (rare) up to a whole community. It may contain girl friends or boyfriends; teammates; parents; friends; coaching staff; club staff; work colleagues and/or supporters.

These people could be anyone, what’s important is that you feel that you can trust them and talk to them!I view my support network as a group of people that I am not afraid to talk to. They don’t all know each other, and there are some I only discuss certain topics with. Within my group of people, I have my parents, friends, some co-workers and other volleyball professionals that I have grown to trust over the years.

What role does a support network play?

Select groups or individuals within a support network may be relied on at different times to help with specific issues the athlete is facing but all members of the group will have some role to play in supporting the athlete over time.

For example, on certain topics my parents know that I want to be the one doing the talking and I just want them to listen to me, on other topics I want them to engage with me more, offering alternative views and solutions. At the end of the day we won’t necessarily always agree but they are an excellent ‘sounding board’ for ideas.

In another example, one day recently, when I was working in the supermarket, I was looking through some food items to eat for lunch and I couldn’t find anything that I particularly wanted. I ended up having a chat about my nutrition with one of my colleagues, somebody I barely even knew! This really surprised me because I find it difficult to talk to anyone about these issues but now I know that I can have a conversation with this colleague and not be judged. This single experience has actually led to me becoming more transparent with my parents and other people about what I have been struggling through and all because someone just took the time to ask me how I was doing and what foods I was looking for!

Different situations require different approaches

Now a support network won’t always be there solely to be your cheerleaders, your hype squad so to speak. There are times where you might need a good old-fashioned proverbial kick up the backside but it’s finding the right balance and timing, and usually your support network will figure this out the more you let them into your thoughts.

Your support network are there to help you feel like you aren’t going through it all alone and it can sometimes provide just that extra layer of clarity to your thought process or even sow the seeds for an idea that you may eventually nurture and grow. A support network can also be there to attend your games if you need that person in the crowd to help you to reset and re-focus after points; to get you away from your sport or job by suggesting ideas for fun days out or just by offering to be on the other end of the phone any time you need to talk. What’s important is that you know that they are there for you and that you can build a trusting relationship with them. The most important aspect is that they are in a position to help you get over the initial fear of opening up, of talking to someone about your problems, especially if you are an introvert by nature.

So my challenge to you now on this is to reach out to a friend, colleague or even myself in confidence and tell them one thing that has been bugging you, no matter how small, and see how they react. I hope, and I am fairly sure, that they will be supportive, not judgemental and disappointed in you, as we tend to fear they will be.

What you can do if someone asks you to support them?

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like we are not in a position to offer advice to other people, especially when we don’t even have our own house in order. Most of the time people aren’t looking for an instant answer or a miracle solution, all they really want is the feeling that someone is listening to them, someone that cares! If you are in a position to offer advice, then it can definitely help the person who has reached out but don’t feel like you have to go above and beyond to find the solution. A solution may just develop naturally over the course of the conversation as in 9 times out of 10, the other person just needs to be able to separate or make sense of the thoughts in their own head. Remember the “internal conversations” we talked about in the previous blog “Communicating with your coach – a Player’s Perspective”? It could be that the person reaching out to you is having such a ‘conversation’ and just wants you to play one of the roles for them so that they are able to use you as a sounding board.

Also, if you see someone is struggling or maybe doesn’t seem themselves, sometimes just asking them how their day is going, or even inviting them out for a simple walk or a social event can help brighten their day, even if they decline, because you will make them feel appreciated and start to build that trusting relationship. Sometimes, it’s even as simple as a nod, conveying that you have that persons back, or a hug to let them know you care, with not a word said.

Quite often it’s the small things that matter most.

Conclusion

It’s not always easy to talk about our problems but we can make sure that if someone is ready to open up to us about their personal thoughts, they feel safe to do so and they know we are going to be there supporting them as they go through the journey. We may not be able to imagine what it is like to be in their shoes but we can offer whatever support possible. If  the person needs extra support, we can make suggestions on how they can achieve this because showing you truly care is the most important aspect of being part of a support network and it isn’t something that should ever be taken for granted. If you are building your own support network it is important that you try to communicate with people close to you when things get rough, whether its through talking, writing, or even just a hug and letting your emotions out. It doesn’t make you weak, if anything it shows that you are human!